


Losing It

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:11:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel discuss the relative merits of multiple insanities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing It

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Holiday, Lifeboat, Beneath the Surface, Tin Man, Foothold, Absolute Power, Chimera, The Quest, I & II, The Shroud, Abyss, Message in a Bottle, The Fifth Race, Shades of Gray, Lost City, I & II, Smoke and Mirrors  
> Rated mature because there’s offers of slashy bondage.

“Do you have any idea,” Daniel remarks without emotion, “how many times my body’s been hijacked? Without my permission?” He is slowly squeezing oranges for breakfast. Call me old-fashioned, but I like my juice out of the skin, not the can.

“You mean there were times you gave your permission?” He gives me his version of the evil eye, which hasn’t worked on me in years. Actually, it never worked on me. “I suppose you’re gonna tell me?” I ask mournfully.

“Nine times.”

“Nine? No way! Are you serious? Nine?”

“Nine.” He nods. I shake my head as I slide his heaping plate in front of him. For Daniel, for some completely unknown reason, comfort food is breakfast. And not necessarily in the morning. So here we are, quite close to midnight, eating breakfast. I’m not talking about cold cereal either. I’m talking what the Brits would call a full fry-up. Eggs, bacon, hash browns, gravy and biscuits. Okay, maybe that last bit isn’t English, but you get my drift. “I suppose you’ve been working on a list?”

He taps the end of his fork to his temple. Okay, I’d have to make a list; he’d just access the computer that doubles as a brain. “One, an old man hijacks my body and nearly lets me die. Two, I get a dozen people downloaded in my brain and they proceed to fight for control of the remote. Three, mind got wiped and it was my honor to serve.”

“Hey!” I protest. “Me, too! That’s one for me.” I sprint over to the counter and grab pen and paper.

“One for you, three for me. Four, I got made into a robot.”

“And that’s two for me.”

“Yeah, but my head got shot off!” I have to give him that one. “Five, an extremely ugly lizard took over my face. And Sam shot me.”

“She just shot you, she killed me. And that’s three for me.”

“The lizard me still died.” He is shoveling the food in without blinking. “Six, I had a really, really scary dream and blew up Moscow.”

“You got me there, I never blew up anyone.” I smirk at him.

“No, you just tried to shoot me.” He smirks right back.

“Okay, so, you’re up to six?”

“Seven, Osiris hijacked my dreams to look for the lost city.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“I had no control over my body at the time! It counts.”

“I still want one of those Tok’ra things.” He rolls his eyes at the lascivious look I shoot him.

“Eight, Merlin.”

“You did that on purpose.”

“I stuck my head in the…head-sucking thing on purpose. I didn’t know I was going to end up with Merlin as a passenger.”

I can’t argue with that. “You said nine.”

“I’ll admit letting Adria make me into a prior was kind of on purpose, but it was Merlin’s idea. That makes nine.”

I’ll be a son of a bitch, but he’s right. “Okay, so I’m up to, what, three? And I can top you. I had a snake put in my head. That’s four.” I announce triumphantly.

“And that wasn’t your choice.” His face closes off.

“It was your fault, you know.”

“Hey, I wasn’t even here when that happened. How can it be my fault?” He is indignant.

“Because if you’d been here, you would have talked Carter out of it.”

A flitter of something races across his face; I file that away for further exploration at another time. “Are you so sure?”

“You’re not?” I reach across to still his hands with mine; he instantly turns his so that our palms slide together.

“If it keep you alive and here? I’m not sure I wouldn’t have made the same choice. You were dying, Jack.”

“And you were trying to get me to join you in the glowy here-after. I was dying then, too. What made the difference?”

“I don’t know. I don’t, Jack.” He looks almost sick. “I don’t know why I didn’t come to you there in Antarctica when you were all dying!”

I’ve got my theory but I’m keeping it to myself. That he couldn’t have saved all of us, he didn’t have that kind of power. Having to make the choice of who to save and who to let…well, it would have ripped him to pieces.

It’s distraction time. “So, I’m up to four, right? Five, that damned thing that you thought was a time machine. Impaled me right there in the gate room.” He acknowledges the hit with a wave of his fork. “Six, stuck my head in the head-sucking thing. Twice, so that makes seven.” I’m really getting in to this now. “Eight, I went undercover to catch the NID thugs.”

“No, no, no! That does not count. You were always Jack O’Neill. Just, you know, the special ops version.”

“Doesn’t matter, I had no control over the situation.”

“If you count that one, then you have to count the damned armbands, too. And that makes one more for me.”

“Okay, we don’t count the covert thing. Or the armbands.” I look back over my list. “Hey, that Looney tunes Asgard and the mini-me, that makes eight.”

“And I’m still one up.” He takes his plate over to the dishwasher and begins to load it.

And I have a sudden inspiration. “And the guy who stole the device and made it look like I shot Kinsey. That makes nine.” I leap up, shouting. “We’re tied, we’re tied!” He walks away from me. “Hey, where’re you goin’?”

“To bed,” he stops in the hallway. “Wanna come with, break the tie?”

“How ‘bout I tie you up instead?” I follow him toward the bedroom.

“How about you bite me?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” I shut the door firmly behind us.


End file.
